i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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