"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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