Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
