In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
