Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
