I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
