They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
