Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
