But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
