Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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