So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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