just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
