A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
