i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
