Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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