using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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