I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize