The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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