Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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