I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
