You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
