Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
