Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
