So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
