you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
