woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
