How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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