This house was built for laser tag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have post one night stand depression
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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