Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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