this boner is exhausting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
