My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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