no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
