Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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