He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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