she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
