make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
