the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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