"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
