everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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