can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
