Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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