last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
