Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
