So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
