I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
