I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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