Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
