Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
