I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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