I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
MIDGETS
????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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