when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
