To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
