were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
