I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
