I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
