Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The Olympian is in my bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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